By Skylar Mostoller, G10
At this point in time, a lot of people know of or at least have heard of someone being asexual or aromantic. Well, if you haven’t, here’s an introduction to the topic.
The complete acronym for LGBTQ+ is LGBTTQQIAAP. As you can see, there are two A’s in the acronym, but what do they stand for? Most people say that one of them stands for androgyny – or, when someone doesn’t look like a specific gender – while, unfortunately, many others see the second A as Ally – as in the people who support the community, but aren’t a part of it. Although allies are there to help support the community, they aren’t necessarily a part of the community themselves and they really don’t have a place in the acronym.
What the A’s in the acronym truly stand for are androgyny and asexuality (otherwise known as the asexual spectrum). Asexuals and aromantics are a part of this spectrum, each holding their own, different definition.
Asexuality is the identification of a person who doesn’t experience sexual attraction, meaning they don’t experience the same feelings as others would towards a partner. They may focus more on romantic relationships and romantic gestures, like hugging or kissing, but they don’t feel the need to take it any further than that.
Aromantics are people who identify with not being able to feel romantic attraction towards people. Kissing and romantic date nights just aren’t the same to them and they don’t yearn for romantic interest like others may.
Some people are both asexual and aromantic, meaning that they’re probably just looking for a close friend if anything.
Unfortunately, there are multiple misconceptions about being asexual and/or aromantic, which end up causing a lot of conflict between the aces and the LGBTQ+ community.
One of the main typical concerns is the validity of identifying as ace or aro. If you come out to someone as ace or aro, you will probably hear the statement, “You just haven’t found the right person,” at least once — people mainly believe that being asexual is a choice, like something as ordinary as choosing what you’re going to eat, but in reality, that is far from the truth. In fact, no sexuality is a choice, it’s just a matter of finding out who you are.
Many believe that people under the asexual spectrum can be “fixed”. Whether it’s through forcing them into situations that they don’t want to be in, or harassing them to go into a situation themselves, many assume that being asexual or aromantic is just something that can change with a little bit of experience. This is not the case. People who fall under the asexual spectrum are born the way they are. Sure, some people may take a vow of celibacy, or want to wait until marriage, or just don’t want to be in a relationship at the moment, but that isn’t the same thing as being acro or ace.
“This is why visibility is so important, if you don’t know the word for asexual, then you end up doing things like I did, where you get apathologized, you go to a doctor to get them to ‘fix’ it. And it leaves you feeling broken, like there’s no solution and there’s something wrong.”
An interviewee from Vice
This is how many people within the LGBTQ+ community have described their process of figuring out their identity — going to churches, asking for help, knowing that you’re different from the norms and feeling broken because of it.
But despite their similarities in feelings, people under the asexual umbrella are still heavily criticized for “faking it” or just lying about themselves. The entire LGBTQ+ community is based around the movement of equality for all and the liberation and celebration of the differences they share, but are they really living up to it if they’re shunning a part of their community for being “non-existent”?
People who identify themselves as asexual or aromantic are just as big of a part in the community as everyone else, despite the accusations that they’re not. Being ace or aro is a normal thing that should be welcomed just as much as being gay, or trans, or pan, or any other identity that’s supported by the community.
For more information on the asexual spectrum, feel free to check out the links below!
Ace/ Aro Spectrum Definitions – UNIVERSITY OF OXFORD
We Asked Asexuals About Their Relationship to Pride
Ace/Aro Mythbusting – UNIVERSITY OF OXFORD Debunking 5 Common Myths About Asexuality
Cover image courtesy of Dashk, “Lgbt people community set isolated group.”